Mrs Brightside!

Its Tuesday...Outlaw Ironman is on Sunday. This week should be a week of focus, preparation and rest. Whats it like to be days away from your first ever triathlon and its the biggest of them all? Its difficult to say. There are two close comparisons in my lifetime. The first is being sat outside of Mr Lunts (head of 3rd year circa 1986) waiting to be grilled again about a spitting incident on the train on the way to school one morning. Its fear and its huge dollops of it. Fear, I think can be channelled into positive energy. It does help focus the mind on the task as the task is the origin of the fear!
The second is being sat in the changing rooms waiting to go out for the final and biggest rugby game I played in vs The Friary circa 1990. Head hidden under a towel trying to control my emotions to psyche up for the game. Always slightly removed from the team as was my warm up but it seemed to work. I took things with me onto the pitch (no not 'things' such as a knuckle duster or packed lunch), mental things. Having not played any competetive sport for so long I have become a little out of practice but this week is bringing it all back. Its bringing it back because tomorrow, 27th June, is the 25th anniversary of the death of my mom ironically (considering the cause I fundraise for) due to a brain tumour following a 4 year cancer battle. I would draw on this loss when playing rugby to stick my face under a boot without hesitation, to take a smack in the mouth from a towering opposition No 8 without concern or to stick my head into the knees of the County sprint champion to stop him flying down the wing to score a try (or as Mrs Brightside calls it a 'ball placement'!). Then though is was a reckless strength. On Sunday it needs to be a measured and controlled strength.
At the best of times I am emotionally weird. Mrs Brightside and the Rugrats tease me whenever we watch Cars and Doc turns up in Lightening McQueens pit lane in the final race because it always brings me to tears. If I watch a re run of almost any Jonny Wilkinson England Rugby moment a tear will sneak out. Yet I didnt cry at the birth of either of my children. Mrs Brightside will tell you I am not right but the situations require different emotional responses. The emotion is real, its there when your Rugs' come into this world but it is controlled. It is controlled because it had to be. To be strong, helpful or just there for Mrs Brightside doing all the work! That control is not required when Wilkinson dropped us the World Cup against Australia (in their backyard I might add!) or Lightening pushes The King across the finish line.
Its that control and measured emotional response and strength I need for Sunday. I found it in Edinburgh, lost it in Liverpool and sort of regained it at VLM. With the additional emotions of this week I will be creating a positive energy from fear and inspiration from sadness. By the same token then this is not a negative but a positive impact on Sunday. I will draw strength from tomorrow and harness it for Sunday.
My ultimate support, strength is drawn from Mrs Brightside. I have often referred to her as being my pride, confidence, heart and happiness. She is all the time although I dont always let her know it. On my handlebars will be Superbia Fiducia Animus Felicitas (which unless my reseach is wrong is latin for Pride Confidence Heart and Happiness - oh and if it is wrong dont bother telling me as I'm not changing it!). I dont need a reminder but hey there is no harm in being prepared and who knows just how dark the places I visit Sunday may be?
Mrs Brightside has been tinkering in the last week or so. She pretends not to be interested in the mins/mile stats from my runs or average mph on my rides or wetsuit thickness levels and impact absorbtion for my kit even to the extent of falling asleep while I talk about it but I know it sinks in somewhere. Her tinkering has resulted in me being voted to be an 'Unsung Sporting Hero' and be part of the welcoming party for the Olympic Torch visit to Tamworth this Saturday. Now I am not too sure about the hero bit or indeed the sporting bit but its very very humbling to be recognised like this. I will say that it is a Team Poppyfields honour really because without all those around me, supporting me, sponsoring me and particularly Mrs Brightside I couldn't do any of the events I do. I will happily stand tall for Team Poppyfields to welcome the Torch.
Like that wasnt enough she has been badgering the local press to run another article regarding the Ironman so I spent 30 mins chatting with a reporter yesterday and they will get the story in this weeks Tamworth Herald. I also caught her commenting on FB about 'bursting with pride' at the end of this week. I'll take that into my mental armoury thank you very much!
This pic is my current FB profile pic and I love it.

Drawing on all souces I will leave you with this famous quote which I may scrawl upon me for Sunday.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually... strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat"
So I am focused now for Sunday with the strength and belief of my Ironman Widow and will be using a day of rememberance tomorrow to fuel my Ironman fire!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XmSdTa9kaiQ

Nothing left to do?

There are 9 full days or 9 and a  half days until Outlaw. My brain has finally accepted that I am as fit as I can be for July 1st. Any training now wont improve my fitness. Any long runs or rides wont be of benefit - at best they will tire me and at worst I risk injury. This realisation followed a couple of mental issues being put to bed yesterday. The first being a decent length swim in a time indicative of avoiding the dreaded swim cut off at Outlaw. I did 3000m in the pool. It went really well and took me 90 mins. I had looked up some swimming technique videos on youtube and put into place a few of the pointers. They worked well and I was pleased. Even enjoyed a few moments where I  was lost in the swim and flying along. Such moments are so great but so rare! I felt strong and the distance no longer concerns me. I intend to hone my OW technique with 3 or 4 OW swims over the next few days but I am not going to do anything daft. I am confident I will be out of the water and on my bike within 2 hours!
I swam in my tri shorts for the first time and then jogged the 1 mile home before jumping on the bike (for 'jumping' read minced about a bit making sure I had everything, had a drink, ate some bread and marmalade, eventually climbed on bike fumbled into peddles and finally set off!) The shorts are great. No chaffing on last weeks 88 miler and no chaffing today and they dry really really quickly!
I only did two hours on the bike but practised fuelling! I went with SIS gels that had got me round Edinburgh and Liverpool Marathons last year...I had forgotten how rank and sickly they are and as a result I am now looking at ways of fuelling without gels. SIS do very nice bars at double the energy impact of the gels. I am now looking at 2 of them per hour plus a Banana at the feed stations. A few jelly babies here and there and I reckon I'll be off the bike ready to run (for 'ready' read still breathing and able to stand!). A couple of little spins next few days to practise but nothing daft. I am confident I will be off the bike and ready to run by 10 hours in!
Finally I tagged on a 5.5 mile run. Previously a run off the bike usually resulted in a numb foot for the first few miles but yesterday was fine but incredibly slow (12 mins per mile). I think this was due to being tired - it was certainly slower than I expected. It felt like I got into my running around 3 miles or so and whilst only plodding I did feel like I could have plodded all day. A couple of little jogs over the next few days to keep me ticking but nothing daft. I am confident that managed properly I will cross the finish line within 17 hours! So I know I can swim the distance in the time required and I can keep my shorts on throughout, I am getting organised regarding nutrition and overall if I get that right and keep my head straight this can be done. It wont be pretty and it wont be fast but it will be done!
All negative thoughts have been banished. I did not spend most of yesterdays ride fretting about the swim, the ride, the run, transitions, nutrition, heart, mind and soul. I was not comparing my training (or lack of it) to the other soon to be Outlaws out there wishing 'if only' or unwisely comparing myself to all the people out there that push beyond their limits succesfully. No I did not! Its all about confidence and belief now. If I break it down small enough I genuinely believe!
My much better half, with whom I celebrated 14 years together yesterday, rarely comments on Ironman or her views on what I can achieve. Yesterday however she did. She believes I have not trained enough and that if it wasnt for kids like Poppy, the reason I got myself into this mess in the first place, along with the thought of letting people down, I would and should have withdrawn weeks ago. However, by the same token, because of Poppy and me not wanting to let people down I will have the drive and mental focus to do it. She doesnt think I will recover for a while because this is a challenge too far in a physical sense but one that I won't let beat me psychologically. So sadly the body is gonna have to keep up.
There is now effectively nothing much left to do but get lots of sleep and and make sure I have everything I need. My earlier realisation means that I am where I am, pushing myself now wont help, so its gonna be down to pushing boundaries on the day, breaking down a few walls and over achieving when I need to......paying for it in the days that follow will be small price to pay.
As the best mate character Ed in Shaun of the Dead said when asked for his Zombie impression 'I'll do it on the night!' 

Drill It In!

Back on a track. Thankfully my last negative post hasnt turned out to be my last pre Outlaw. I would have been very disappointed with myself had it turned out to be.
I didnt go 7 days without exercising as I squeezed in a mile swim in the pool. Some good work on speed and technique and my spirits were lifted.
Friday I managed a little 5 mile run up to Dosthill Quarry and back to check out the open water swimming facilities. Very impressive and so Saturday I got down there and had my first OW training session. It was only 800m (3000 less than Outlaw) but it was a great learning experience regarding the whole open water swimming mularky.....and I really enjoyed it. Not sure I have enjoyed a training session for a while.
Sunday and Monday passed with parties and life stuff without a chance to squeeze a session in. Tuesday saw me out on the MTB during lunch hour for a 12 mile spin and Wednesday a lovely 4 mile run with my much better half. I'd enjoyed the last 3 sessions and felt reasonably strong. The big test was of course Thursday.
I had become a little overwhelmed by the whole Outlaw experience I think and I had grown to dislike it I guess. It interferes with my family (as much as I try to make sure it doesnt) and I dont like that. Fortunately Mrs Brightside is a star whether she would admit to it or not and I have had loads of encouragement and help from you lot. Twitter friends FB friends, oh and of course actual real life in the flesh friends! @Madlot1, knowing my lack of preparation suggested I go out on the bike for a day. See what it is like being in the saddle for 8 hours regardless of speed time and distance so yesterday that is what I did. 8 hours out round Staffordshire, Leicestershire, Derbyshire and Warwickshire. Here's Blythfield Resevoir near Abbots Bromley.

I stopped the watch each time I stopped to consult the map (thank God for Samsug Galaxy Maps bloody ace), have a snack or rest or to take a pic (I realise I won't be doing that on the day) hence the ride time is 6hrs 16 mins with actual moving time of 6hrs 6 mins (10 recognised by Garmin as when I am at a junction, lights etc etc). I managed 88 miles at 14.4 mph ave. Two huge plus points are the ave speed and the distance being closer than I thought I would get to the Outlaw 112. It was also as hilly as fuck and particularly around 60 - 70mph I died on my arse! This could be down to poor fueling. My SIS drinks and Lucozade are fine but it seems a Kit Kat, bag of Walkers, Yoghurt bar and a can of coke arent quite as refueling as having a gel every 45 mins! Nutrition/fuel I am working on to make sure I get off the bike ready to run!
Here's yesterdays jaunt and I tip my hat to you cycling bods. Credit to you 'cause it aint easy!
http://connect.garmin.com/activity/188963099
The route profile looks to be more taxing than Outlaw so if I can keep focused and keep steady and keep fueled I would be disappointed if I wasnt on the run by 10 hours in at Outlaw!
Last night my legs were shredded but after eating my bodyweight in chicken and bacon, a cold shower and a sleep I feel suprisingly good this morning. I have had a chat with coach Vann and a cyber chat with coach @JWUltra and as a result all seems to be falling into place. Even felt strong during a lunch hour 3 mile loosener of a run!
Dont get me wrong I am aware of my poor preparation and lack of training and that Outlaw is going to be a lot tougher than I could have made it but I will be ready. @ironholgs rightly pointed out there is nothing that can be done now other than maintaining fitness and starting fit. No risks required trying to regain sessions that are lost. As he put it (and I paraphrase) 'be ready and drill it in!'. I think I know what he means and i will be ready.
I got this quote sent to me by an old school chum today - 'Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude.'
Thomas Jefferson
I dont normally like quotes but I did like this one (probably due to the sentiment and support intended). I heard Mark 'waste of space' Lawrenson commenting on the football the other night quoting 'there's no I in team'. My blood boiled but as I rode yesterday I convinced myself that there is no IF in 'Outlaw I am gonna fucking ave ya!'
Everyone is confident that I can do this - some have even suggested that I am Awesome ;-) On July 1st I believe I will be. Buckle up we're going in!

Last Negative!

Today, if I dont run, swim or cycle will be the seventh day without exercise since a 48 mile cycle commute last Thursday. There are no excuses. No real reasons. For this last week and this last week alone I am a twat! I've wasted a bank holiday 4 day stretch where there were no kids Gymnastics or Dancing to get them to so I could have 5/6 hours to myself to train no problem. I've wasted the kids being off school this week meaning a training session could start at 5 or 6 and run through to 9 without the interruption of getting the kids to school.
Probably the most annoying thing is that this comes off the back of a good couple of weeks and will set me back a good couple of weeks! Set back a couple of weeks with 3 weeks and 3 days to go is crippling. I have let myself down and if I could I would kick the crap out of myself! Honestly I cant see Outlaw as being possible. It seems now to be an impossible task. That means I will be taking it on lacking in belief - sometimes belief is everything. If I dont think I can do it I will either fail or make an already difficult task much more difficult.
I could say I am going to do this and that to restore my belief, to boost my confidence but this will only add to my fury when I dont do it. I could rake up a few excuses - a twinge here, a tweak there but the truth is I am an inherantly lazy twat! A lazy twat used to leaving things to the last minute and fluking stuff. In all walks of life. I did it through school, I've done it throughout my working life and I hate myself for it! I seriously doubt that an Ironman Triathlon can be fluked. I tried to fluke Liverpool Marathon and that caught me out. I fluked VLM because I did it in fancy dress to hide my lack of preparation.
I've 3 weeks and 3 days until Outlaw. 3 weeks of training left if I train up to Thu 28th! Tapering has never really suited me but that is probably more to do with my 'leave it until the last minute' attitude rather than tapering not actually suiting me. Although to be fair you need to have worked, pushed it hard in training to benefit from a taper. I've not done that.
This will be my last negative post - it may be my last post pre Outlaw. In fact it will take something bloody brilliant to happen for me to be able to face (albeit in a cyber sense) everyone with another post. For that same reason I may be laying low on Twitter and FB while I see what I can salvage in the next 3 weeks.
I did consider not blogging but hey if I can bring this on myself I may as well share it with you lot too!

Heart & Guts?

Its been a weird few weeks. In the last 4 weeks I have trained everyday bar six. This period has included my 40th Birthday, Mrs Brightside's Birthday and George's Birthday. Problem is though I have doubts about the quality of the training. I fit it in where I can and it can range from 750 metres in the pool to 2000, from 9 miles on my MTB to 48 on my roadie and from 3 miles running to 13! Most of it is solo, none of it is in competetive Tri conditions and none of the training seems to have all the stuff others refer to such as fartlek (seriously is that a word), hill sprints, and other stuff that goes over my head! Its glaringly obvious from the figures I am nowhere near where I need to be and for all my " I'm gonna do this next week and I'm gonna do that " the fact remains I havent. Excuses are plentiful but ultimately none of them wash with me.
The highs have included a half marathon PB and the lows a 5 mile lunchtime stinker. A 48 mile round trip to work and a 12 mile MTB lunchtime struggle. A steady 2000 in the pool and a energyless 500! If that Snow fella from the telly had me hooked up to his 'swingometer' it would have burnt out by now! The highs and lows can be week to week, day to day, mile to mile or even metre to metre and they're just the training highs and lows. Add to them the off training variances and its a constant superspeed rollercoaster.
Just last week was the Belvoir Half Ironman that I should have been doing as part of my prep had my training gone to plan. Seeing all the fellow soon to be Outlaw Ironfolk completing it and in some damn good times too made me realise how far behind I am. Hearing that @doddi76 may have picked up an Outlaw threatening injury during this event (despite nailing it in 5 hrs!) was gutting. It raises so many questions about prep, pushing, catching up but then highlights the importance of getting to the start fit! Two great bits of advice given to me are 1) Get to the start fit otherwise you cant do it at all (@Ironholgs) and 2) dont try and catch up on missed sessions (@ajh1269). They are both bang on and perhaps the only real positives to be drawn from disrupted/inadequate training are that there is less chance of pre race injury niggles, there's a good chance of getting to the start line fit and I dont know that I can't do it! By that I mean I wont have attempted a half IM to learn that I cant do a full. So if I try and create positives they are that I can get to the start fit and without niggles, I have no previous bad tri experiences to worry about, I've no 100 mile bike arse pain to think about and just under 17 hours of endurance to look forward too. I can fear the unknown but if the unknown is to not know I cant, then there is nothing to fear! You still with me?
@Ironholgs has just made IM Lanzarote his bitch. His blog of the event is testament to heart and guts and taking on, to some extent, the unknown. From that, from the confidence others have in me, from the support, encouragement and advice loads are throwing at me I need to draw the heart and guts I will need on July 1st.
To bring you up to speed (not quite an apt word) on training this is how the first part of my last ride went - first RTA!  ‎24 miles on the bike to work 1:41 on the clock but spent 10 mins discussing the merits of road safety with a Croatian Lorry driver after he hit me and knocked me off the road. Articulated lorry with second trailer attached misjudged when overtaking me and cut in. The second trailer hit my right shoulder at about 30mph. Luckily my 1982 BMX Bandit type skills kicked in and I bunny hopped onto the grass verge and stopped before hitting the ditch, fence and bushes. Lorry driver stopped and said 'sorry boss'! I said " you sir are a cunt! Me and my bike weigh about 80kg and you and your lorry weigh about 3 or 4 tonnes! If you cannot drive properly get the fuck off the road BUT if you insist on driving, when faced next time with a choice of losing your wing mirror or killing a cyclist, choose to lose your wing mirror!" He then told me in good English that he didnt speak English. As I told him to fuck off on his way I think he understood as he scurried back to his cab Manuel style as if ducking a potential clip around the ear! Close call only 5 miles in. Note to self must grow eyes in back of head and become a mind reader in advance of peoples thoughts!
My last swim was 2000 metres (80 lengths) in the pool. First 40 slow and laboured but then someone else faster than me joined the lane. I let him go ahead of me and in sections of 10 lengths my target was for him to not catch me. 3 sets of 10 later and he hadn't! This had focused my swimming and gave me confidence to swim faster. I felt I had more in the tank and I need to have as the time for 2000 was 1:05. Thats just too close to call for the Outlaw cut off!
My last run was a stinker (the catalyst for my last and very negative post). I'm only going to do 1 or 2 runs a week from now on as I know the continued strengthening from swimming and cycling will see my marathon legs ok on the day (and if I have to I will crawl the mara!).
I will be feeding off the support so keep it coming. I hope @doddi76 gets to the start of Outlaw fit and raring to go as I hope all the other soon to be Outlaws do.
So, where am I now? Positive or negative? On a high or a low? All of the above all of the time. For me Outlaw won't be a race against the clock it will be a test of heart and guts! Do I have enough? Of course I do. It would be rude not to!

For Fucks Sake!

Worst run this lunchtime since Liverpool Marathon October last year!
Now my concerns are back to run, swim and cycle.
I've done a bit of all three last couple of weeks with some highs and some lows.
Confident in none.
I need to get this right in my head.
I am hoping this is a temporary trough (like I have time for troughs!) and I'm back on track asap.
I am off to a dark place to find my balls!

The Sensible Thing To Do?

So, on to Outlaw Ironman Triathlon July 1st. Looking back at my training to date there is a 9 week gap for swimming and cycling due to my back injury and due to concentrating on running pre VLM. With hindsight I should have been nailing the bike and swimming as well as soon as I was fit too. I'm sure I won't come to curse VLM because it was such a great experience but in a perfect world it wouldnt have been pre Outlaw. Also in a perfect world I would not have to work and could train all day. I dont live in a perfect world.
I live in a world where training comes third behind work (bastard reluctant necessity) and family (which I would not wish to compromise). I try to train early, whether weekday or weekend, so as not to compromise my family life. Unfortunately, unless I am super disciplined (I am not) and can go to bed at 10pm every night ( I cant) the result of early morning training is tiredness from lack of sleep. Its not actually the result of the training or it being early its down to my discipline of course!
Does that mean I am not taking it seriously or is it more that I am not quite sure as to what is required or is it that I am sub consciously building an excuse to fail? I'm somewhat overwhelmed by it all at the moment. As time rushes by I completely understand why people say dont chase missed sessions of training. That is completely impossible and all I can do is plan well with the time I have left. The time I have left being 7 weeks this Sunday. Allow 1 for taper thats 6 weeks training. Don't get me wrong its not that I have done nothing - I had a week off after VLM granted but got 6 sessions in last week (including a PB half marathon), will have done 7 this week (primarily swim and bike). Also the running I did and VLM have resulted in me having no running concerns to the point where I will limit my running to one or two sessions a week and a maximum session of 2 hours. The run doesnt concern me - if I get to the run in one piece and still breathing I will do the run.
My concerns are with the bike and swim. Traditional training schedules now dont apply (as they didnt for VLM). My plan is to get to the point in 6 weeks time where I can swim 3800 metres in 1hr 45mins. I've not yet swum the distance nor have I swum in open water so I am going to just swim it - see how long it takes - then swim it quicker - then quicker - and then quicker still. Chuck in 3 or 4 open water sessions at shorter distances I dont see why I cant trash my arms and be out of the lake within 2 hours and on the bike!
The bike - fuck me the bike messes with my head. I love being out on the bike but I still have a mental block to getting out on the bike. Why I dont know. To me its my biggest concern so I am going to get up to 80 miles by next weekend and do 5 sessions around that distance and work on my speed and hills as often as possible in between. Its not about speed really. 112 miles at as low as 12.5mph average is 9 hours which would leave me 6 for the marathon. Doable? (is that a word?). I am now looking at this as a fast swim, an endurance ride and a sheer nuts on the table dig deep soul dredging run! I've 17 hours to do it and if I need all of them I dont mind one bit. I wont trash my chances on the bike for the sake of a respectable time. I simply cant.
There is a huge issue in that Outlaw may turn out to be my first ever tri. Due to other commitments I may well not get to do even a sprint tri first. I know others have done this before and taken a 'separate events' view to Ironman. I can see that and if that turns out to be the case I think I can deal with it. I'm not Chrissie Wellington (although I have the legs) so it wont be about flying out of the water jumping on the bike and away I go and then skipping off the bike and straight into my running. If I have to take 10 mins in transition to prepare I have no issue with this.
I have had great advice and support. Tough advice from many stating the obvious that I am not well enough prepared to attempt this and the sensible thing to do is to defer to next year. Thats sound advice but who is to say next year will be any better/easier/less disrupted? Life gets in the way unless you're a pro or a lottery winner or doley (although how you afford the kit, events, registration etc would be called into question if you're the latter!).Would I want to go through the ups and downs of training for 6 months (off and on) again? Would I have the heart?
I dont want to face those questions so the sensible thing to do seems to be to just do it as best and as sensibly as I can using all the time and tools that I have. I wont be racing to go sub 13 hours, I dont care if I get chicked, or lapped nor do I care if everyone has packed up and effed off when I cross the line. When I do it I wont care about any of that as I'll be able to say I did it. If through doing this a shed load of cash gets raised then it seems to me the only sensible option.
By way of encouragement please feel free to tell me I cant - as often as you like - in jest or in all seriousness - it will help. Thankyou!