Thursday, 7 June 2012

Last Negative!

Today, if I dont run, swim or cycle will be the seventh day without exercise since a 48 mile cycle commute last Thursday. There are no excuses. No real reasons. For this last week and this last week alone I am a twat! I've wasted a bank holiday 4 day stretch where there were no kids Gymnastics or Dancing to get them to so I could have 5/6 hours to myself to train no problem. I've wasted the kids being off school this week meaning a training session could start at 5 or 6 and run through to 9 without the interruption of getting the kids to school.
Probably the most annoying thing is that this comes off the back of a good couple of weeks and will set me back a good couple of weeks! Set back a couple of weeks with 3 weeks and 3 days to go is crippling. I have let myself down and if I could I would kick the crap out of myself! Honestly I cant see Outlaw as being possible. It seems now to be an impossible task. That means I will be taking it on lacking in belief - sometimes belief is everything. If I dont think I can do it I will either fail or make an already difficult task much more difficult.
I could say I am going to do this and that to restore my belief, to boost my confidence but this will only add to my fury when I dont do it. I could rake up a few excuses - a twinge here, a tweak there but the truth is I am an inherantly lazy twat! A lazy twat used to leaving things to the last minute and fluking stuff. In all walks of life. I did it through school, I've done it throughout my working life and I hate myself for it! I seriously doubt that an Ironman Triathlon can be fluked. I tried to fluke Liverpool Marathon and that caught me out. I fluked VLM because I did it in fancy dress to hide my lack of preparation.
I've 3 weeks and 3 days until Outlaw. 3 weeks of training left if I train up to Thu 28th! Tapering has never really suited me but that is probably more to do with my 'leave it until the last minute' attitude rather than tapering not actually suiting me. Although to be fair you need to have worked, pushed it hard in training to benefit from a taper. I've not done that.
This will be my last negative post - it may be my last post pre Outlaw. In fact it will take something bloody brilliant to happen for me to be able to face (albeit in a cyber sense) everyone with another post. For that same reason I may be laying low on Twitter and FB while I see what I can salvage in the next 3 weeks.
I did consider not blogging but hey if I can bring this on myself I may as well share it with you lot too!

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