Its perhaps getting a little bit daft now. Its daft to place so much importance on an event (or 2 in this case). Events that can be done any year. Then again its not daft to place so much on the events when you're doing them primarily to raise money for a very important charity. Its daft to risk injury to do them but then again its unthinkable to let people down (and myself). Then again is it daft to go through it all to raise just a couple of thousand pounds when events like Sport Relief with the backing of TV, Radio and Celebrity raise £50 million plus. Its not like I can prepare properly for VLM now so I cant even run based on trying to get a PB regardless of what I raise in sponsorship (which is getting harder and harder to raise). Its daft to put all your emotional stock into it. Its just plain daft!
As you can see an enforced lay off with injury may be good for the body but its horrendous on the mind! Im probably 85% of the way to be ready to bike again. This could mean I may be back on the bike before April some 3 weeks before VLM and 13 weeks before Outlaw. If I can bike I can swim but I am wholy conscious of my lurgy at the moment. My crater face stinks of rotting flesh and oozes goo. Consultant says its ok to go swimming with some vaseline on it but it cant be nice for other pool users and it is becoming a mental block to swimming (or at least the thought of swimming once my back is better!). Here is what my face looks like at the end of week 4 of 6 weeks of treatment.
If I wasnt doing VLM I would ride and swim my nuts off until I was flying and introduce the running as late as possible to ensure I get to the start line at Outlaw fit. So do I pull out of VLM? It has been suggested to me. My place at VLM is on a Gold bond ticket for Birmingham Childrens Hospital. The Hospital that treats my niece Poppy! Exactly - you see the problem - back to thoughts of letting down etc again. It has also been suggested I defer my place at Outlaw - believe me the suggestions didnt need to be made as my mind has been backwards and forwards with the issue. Particularly the 'its gonna be hard enough with good prep and training to do this so how the fuck can you do it with fucked up prep and training?'. I do understand that the suggestions have been made with my best interests at heart and I appreciate that a lot.
So what do I do? Drop VLM and concentrate on Outlaw? Drop both and hope for a better training run next year? Drop Outlaw and do VLM only? How do I make that decision? Consider the fors and against?
Reason for quitting - health, fitness, less stress and pressure.
Reasons against quitting - Poppy, Abi, Harry, Lisa, Brian, some Scottish guy I've never met or spoke to who did a 24 hr step challenge, John Bishop, Walliams, Izzard, Skinner, Matt Gadsby, @runner786 @ajh1269 @jwutra @madlot1 @scotlassruns @deedah10 @mrhappyontherun @paintedrunner @movingalong79 @ogdenrunner and many many many more I can't fill this post with, Corpl Carl Taylor "it was just one of those things", pride, confidence, heart and happiness, myself, my kids and ultimately Mrs Brightside who holds it all together, holds me together particularly when my thoughts are dark.
I got this text from Poppy's mom on Friday "Just had email from Surgeon to say Poppy's Op Mon 23rd April - St Georges Day. She will start Asprin 3 days after post op scan to prevent a stroke. She will be admitted Sunday 22nd"! This brought a tear to my eye. If I cant get myself together to run around London a bit to help in any way I can the battles these kids endure (without choice or deserving!) whether I raise £10 or £10,000, then I would be a pretty shameful character devoid of heart. So, while Poppy is prepped for the biggest operation of her life I will run round London and everyone there will know why. Then on St Georges day we can celebrate Englands day being the day Poppy was finally rid of her brain tumour! It will be a good training run for Outlaw July 1st!
So as General Custer (probably) once said "fuck it - in for a penny in for a pound".